:: This Week ::

It’s not a normal week. The season of change is definitely in the air.

Driving with Corbin on Monday afternoon, I spent some time with an 83 year old man in my head 20ish minutes before he was struck and killed by a car. “Good for him for getting out of the house and going for a walk. It’s crazy how two men with many years between them are both walking down the same road. Where is he going? Is he safe?”

I passed him again as I was going home, this time his body was laying against the curb, covered in a purple blanket. I wanted nothing more than to go be with his body – to comfort him as he was laying there all alone.

Two hours later I seen a bald eagle perched in a tree on I-96. He was gorgeous! I kind of have a thing for birds of prey and this guy blew me away as he was watching humans rush around in the setting sun.

Tuesday I silently celebrated my dad’s 4 year anniversary of his triple bypass. That’s a scary surgery. We’re beyond grateful for the doctors that assisted in diagnosis and the procedure to extend his life. Every single day truly is a blessing.

Wednesday came with heavy emotions. It’s time to say goodbye to my grandpa’s farmhouse as new owners take possession. I’m certain he’s happy they have horses and will make memories with their grandchildren, but my heart aches for the memories the house holds.

On the corner of Davison and Oak roads in Davison, sits a structure that has always been Switzerland in our family; it was neutral ground. It was a safe haven for all of us. It is no more. Our family is separated by judgement and emotions. A tragedy that happens to so family families, especially after the death of matriarchs or patriarchs.

Waking up to Thursday, when, a year ago I received a phone call that grandpa was entering active dying. I needed to decide how I was going to handle death with my then 6 year old. We figured it out and suffered better than I could ever imagine. It was that suffering that lead me to a call that I’m heeding ever so carefully.

Here we are. Tuesday, October 4, 2018.

Just like every other day, my main goal is to live in the very moment. I’ll do my best to send Greyson off to school with a positive attitude and to spend the day with Corbin learning, growing and not burning the house down. After school we’re going to say goodbye to the farm and I don’t even know what that entails. But it’ll happen and you can be certain that even through giant crocodile tears, I’ll be smiling through it all 😊🚪💫

::Synchronicities + A New Calling::

Loud. Strong. Apparent. Clear.

The signs are everywhere – animals, numbers, people, messages, etc. One thing after another. It’s all connected and there’s no denying synchronicity in the universe.

I’ve struggled for so long now, knowing I have a higher purpose to serve, but I have not been able to find my calling. I have an amazing husband, two beautiful procreations, a lovely home and a graphic design and marketing/communications degree. But something is missing.

I played corporate marketing for over 10 years. I poured my soul into a company who ultimately did me the biggest favor by eliminating my job. I was sent on my way to become a better me – to break my high heels, knot my hair and focus on more important things than money and material things.

It’s been almost two years since I left my old life behind. I spent a year walking in circles trying to figure out my next move. I didn’t get anywhere, really, but I was pushed by my higher self to try harder. It’s been a year since I started trying harder, making big changes to actually become a better me, knowing that I needed to focus on my self care game in order to figure out my true calling. I needed to move beyond my past to become present.

I made so many changes. Mind, body and soul style. I dreadlocked my hair. I met with a nutritionist. I started training with a natural movement coach. I started listening to spiritual talks. I started listening to music with lyrics that had messages and meaning. (I can’t lie – dirty rap will forever be a guilty pleasure 😉).

I started caring about this body of mine and the thoughts that filled my head. I learned about meditation. I learned about chiropractic care. I learned about spirituality. I learned about living in the present. Mindfulness. Wholehearted love. Inner peace. Mind over matter. The law of attraction. I “studied” this stuff every single day.

I slowly woke up.

I realized that I ignored a few issues until I was forced to face them.

One particular issue being my last surviving grandfather who I didn’t visit for 6 months as his health deteriorated. I didn’t see him until two days before he took his last breath. I didn’t leave his house those last two days and somehow I found the most amazing energy during that time.

It was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, helping him die. But along with my aunt, cousins and hospice care, we did it. I have no regrets. I’ll cherish every minute of those last two days with him for the rest of my life. I learned so much about death. About living and dying. About emotions. Energy. Family. Grief. Love and loss. It was pure transfer of energy, resulting in energy overload within me. Meditation the night of grandpa’s death was life-changing. We can talk about it one day if you’d like 😉

It’s been a little less than 8 months since my rendezvous with the process of dying and I can honestly tell you that I’ve never been so alive.

I’m picking up on signs from my guides on the daily. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I believe it.

So much fast forwarding until now. Here I am with this newfound calling as a death midwife/death doula/death walker because of the signs I’ve been given and the people on my path. The synchronicities that have brought me to this realization are too real to deny.

I’m immersing myself in what this means and I how I go about becoming a companion for those who are at the end of their physical life. It’s exciting! But just like anything, it’s a process. There’s so much to learn. People to talk to. Books to read. Certification programs. Volunteer hours. So much life to live to be the change I want to see in the world.

And that’s why I exist – to make a positive impact. To love hard. To shine bright. To help others smile through it all – the blood, sweat and tears. The sunshine and the rain.

I truly believe there is positive in all contrast, regardless how our current society feels. Death is a new beginning for everyone and it doesn’t have to be the worst day of your life.

I’m so blessed. It’s pretty ridiculous, actually. Even on the worst days, my life is so freaking good. I’m forever grateful for the people on my path to wherever I’m going 💛🙏🏼💖

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