:: Good Grief ::

I’m soaking in my second bath in less than 12 hours under the full moon. I’m resting better every night. I actually made it through night 3 and was given the chance to wake up to day 3. That’s not only an accomplishment, but a blessing as well. I just opened my eyes and I’m already winning!

Greyson is going back to school today so it’s going to be me, Corby and Frank – the new daytime trio here at Chateau Briggs.

I’ve got anxiety over the continued sadness. It’s like I want to force it to stop but I can’t. No one can on the earth. Only a higher power can carry me through this and I’ve got to trust that.

I’ve been trying to put my sadness in a box, but I’m going to try to give it some space instead. Then, as soon as all the light reaches the sadness, I’ll let it go. Just like I do with my roses.

Recently, the fullest, most beautiful rose in my vase caught my eye. I held it and admired it for awhile. I even took selfies with it 🙂 After a few days, just like all the other roses, it began to wilt. I appreciated it as the most beautiful flower. When it was time, I carefully dried it out, separated its petals and sent it back to the earth with the most loving intention.

Feel it, give it space and let it go. That’s life. The good and the bad. Everything comes to an end and the end means the beginning of something new.

It’s all for a higher purpose, but growing pains are real and I’m exhausted. Thank goodness we’re never given more than we can handle.

Coffee/tea/water vessels up! Cheers to making it this far. I am pretty proud 💖

::Synchronicities + A New Calling::

Loud. Strong. Apparent. Clear.

The signs are everywhere – animals, numbers, people, messages, etc. One thing after another. It’s all connected and there’s no denying synchronicity in the universe.

I’ve struggled for so long now, knowing I have a higher purpose to serve, but I have not been able to find my calling. I have an amazing husband, two beautiful procreations, a lovely home and a graphic design and marketing/communications degree. But something is missing.

I played corporate marketing for over 10 years. I poured my soul into a company who ultimately did me the biggest favor by eliminating my job. I was sent on my way to become a better me – to break my high heels, knot my hair and focus on more important things than money and material things.

It’s been almost two years since I left my old life behind. I spent a year walking in circles trying to figure out my next move. I didn’t get anywhere, really, but I was pushed by my higher self to try harder. It’s been a year since I started trying harder, making big changes to actually become a better me, knowing that I needed to focus on my self care game in order to figure out my true calling. I needed to move beyond my past to become present.

I made so many changes. Mind, body and soul style. I dreadlocked my hair. I met with a nutritionist. I started training with a natural movement coach. I started listening to spiritual talks. I started listening to music with lyrics that had messages and meaning. (I can’t lie – dirty rap will forever be a guilty pleasure 😉).

I started caring about this body of mine and the thoughts that filled my head. I learned about meditation. I learned about chiropractic care. I learned about spirituality. I learned about living in the present. Mindfulness. Wholehearted love. Inner peace. Mind over matter. The law of attraction. I “studied” this stuff every single day.

I slowly woke up.

I realized that I ignored a few issues until I was forced to face them.

One particular issue being my last surviving grandfather who I didn’t visit for 6 months as his health deteriorated. I didn’t see him until two days before he took his last breath. I didn’t leave his house those last two days and somehow I found the most amazing energy during that time.

It was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, helping him die. But along with my aunt, cousins and hospice care, we did it. I have no regrets. I’ll cherish every minute of those last two days with him for the rest of my life. I learned so much about death. About living and dying. About emotions. Energy. Family. Grief. Love and loss. It was pure transfer of energy, resulting in energy overload within me. Meditation the night of grandpa’s death was life-changing. We can talk about it one day if you’d like 😉

It’s been a little less than 8 months since my rendezvous with the process of dying and I can honestly tell you that I’ve never been so alive.

I’m picking up on signs from my guides on the daily. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I believe it.

So much fast forwarding until now. Here I am with this newfound calling as a death midwife/death doula/death walker because of the signs I’ve been given and the people on my path. The synchronicities that have brought me to this realization are too real to deny.

I’m immersing myself in what this means and I how I go about becoming a companion for those who are at the end of their physical life. It’s exciting! But just like anything, it’s a process. There’s so much to learn. People to talk to. Books to read. Certification programs. Volunteer hours. So much life to live to be the change I want to see in the world.

And that’s why I exist – to make a positive impact. To love hard. To shine bright. To help others smile through it all – the blood, sweat and tears. The sunshine and the rain.

I truly believe there is positive in all contrast, regardless how our current society feels. Death is a new beginning for everyone and it doesn’t have to be the worst day of your life.

I’m so blessed. It’s pretty ridiculous, actually. Even on the worst days, my life is so freaking good. I’m forever grateful for the people on my path to wherever I’m going 💛🙏🏼💖

::how I wake up::

I’ve been working on establishing a morning routine since the beginning of October. Like, really giving it attention. As part of becoming a better me, I feel like I need to set myself up for a good day and give myself the time and attention I need to turn my mind and body on for the day. My madness has methods and lots of over-my-head science research that’s sparked my interest and has helped me make these changes. 
The way I see it, it’s about balancing your energy. Here’s how I do mornings (up until I wake up my kiddos):
Alarm rings at 4:55 am. The song that wakes Adam and I up is Vacation by the Dirty Heads 🎼🙌🏼 
We go all Mel Robbins style and “54321” get ourselves out of bed. I make a pot of coffee and head back to my bedroom for wakey up time. 
First thing is 7ish minutes of ground movement. I simply lay down and move my body. Rolling, stretching and connecting with each part. I listen to Aloha Ke Akua by Nahko and Medicine for the People while I get my body moving. 🌟🎼✨
Then it’s stand up time. 
I light a candle and turn my shower on cold. I start the song Die Like Dinoz by Nahko. Using all the courage and breath control I’ve got inside of me, I step in the shower. I focus on my breath while I listen to every lyric. Dragonfly (again, by Nahko) plays next. I don’t exit the shower until after Dragonfly has finished. The words make it so much easier 🙏🏼
Towel off. Get dressed. It’s nourishment time! 
I review the Four Agreements to nourish my mind while I fuel my body in the morning. 
Lately, my go to morning physical nourishment has been a swig of cod liver oil, two glasses of water, an apple, nuts and a handful of spinach. After all that has been ingested, coffee enters the scene. Mmmmmm coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. 🙏🏼💛☕️
I don’t love pushing myself every morning and it’s taken me moons to get to where I am. But I do love actually waking up to face the challenge of another day. Some people don’t wake up.

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