:: Our Best Day ::

I had the best day that I’ve ever had with my stepdaughter in the 12 years I’ve been in her life 🌟

I had some familiar, hot feelings that were super deep this morning. I felt them out. I processed them. I had a wonderful conversation with my dearest sister friend that totally set me up for the release ✨💗✨

First, I visited Madeline in her room. I got her water and opened up the curtains a little and talked to her like a plant 🌱 She died laughing 1.

Then I invited her to come talk about her feelings with us (totally straight faced) – that we were watching Inside Out and learning about our feelings 🎭 Again, she died laughing 2.

After the movie, I spent my entire afternoon struggling through a craft project for Madeline’s mom’s birthday today. Things weren’t working, but we were laughing and joking and so present with each other ✨

My favorite part was when she was sarcastically melting down and I looked at her, dead, straight in the eyes and said, “You do realize I’m doing this for my husbands ex-wife, right?”

She died laughing 3. “Mic drop, that was amazing,” she said.

We laughed. “I kid, I kid. I’m doing this for you, M.”

How do you find acceptance? You feel the feels and create the magic. You remain honest. You do exactly what my Nahko Bear has always told me to do…

“Don’t waste your hate

Rather gather and create

Be of service, be a sensible person

Use your words and don’t be nervous

You can do this, you’ve got purpose

Find your medicine and use it”

And that’s what I did ✨I helped Madeline create gifts for a woman who I let control my life for 12 years 🎉🎁🖤

On her 40th birthday, I wish Amy love. I hope she goes to sleep feeling loved and that she wakes up happy to face another day. I hope she savors this sweet/bitter/magical world we live in. That she finds the strength to deal with her karma and continues to search for her center.

These are things I hope for all of us 💖

I just can’t hate anymore. It’s too consuming.

😊🚪💫

:: Rach vs Her Higher Self ::

I was just thinking to myself yesterday about how I feel pretty comfortable going to the gym by myself now. No Ashley my super gym buddy and without any other physical gym angel or shepherd being specifically assigned to me. It has taken over 30 classes and about a month and a half to finally be able to say that.

I scheduled a Sunday class with Katie and sat on the waitlist until yesterday afternoon when I got the email that a spot opened up for me. I texted Ashley and told her I’m not sure if my body is ready for it and she let me know she’s deep on the waitlist. Then I realized I was going alone to a new class. Different people. It would be a surprise 😳 I sat with the fact that I’d know Katie and that’s all that mattered.

I was super nervous before Katie’s 9 am class today.

I wore my favorite leggings but I was pretty uncomfortable. They fit weird. My fat suit is uncomfortable in certain clothing 🤷🏻‍♀️

I couldn’t figure out what I needed to listen to, so my feelings weren’t in their boxes or even sorted through. I walked into the gym with a messy mind.

But Katie was there in her calm light 🌟😌🌟

I told her I was nervous. It’s daylight in Hartland – not the buttcrack of dawn when I normally go. My #gymsquad wasn’t there. She smiled and reminded me of something she heard – that I’m not here to be comfortable and she reassured me that no one will hurt me, lol. I reminded myself that I’m never freaking alone wherever I go. I learned that lesson moons ago 💖

So yeah, it was Rach vs her higher self this morning. True church. Facing your best you on a Sunday morning is a beautiful experience ✨✨✨

My fiercest, yet kindest competitor is my higher self – she’s pure strength, pure love, pure light. She’s the contrast to every demon anyone can face. I’ve challenged her too many times just to be taught another lesson. I continue to challenge her daily. And she’ll always win. When she wins, I grow mentally, physically and spiritually stronger as long as I’m listening 🌟💥💪🏼🧡

So, my girl Katie guides me on my form, challenges me with the movements and supports me with kind, fierce energy. I wouldn’t be in that class without her today. I’m so grateful she draws me in.

Higher Rach supports my thoughts. I really have to quiet my mind to hear her. She’s so freaking loving and empowering 🥰 She pushed me through sliding mountain climbers that required strategic breaks to rest and quickly reenergize. She tells me when to drink and when to close my eyes to reset. Higher Rach paints a picture of a better life and shows me its totally attainable. I just have to listen to her.

Always. Listen. To. Your. Higher. Self.

While smiling through it all 😊🚪💫

:: When One Door Closes ::

I held the refrigerator door open for a man at the grocery store tonight. I giggled and told him I didn’t want to squish his head ☺️

He told me not to worry – he’s survived 3 closed head injuries and the door couldn’t hurt him.

I smiled and told him I’m so happy that he’s here standing in front of me and it’s nice to see his smile.

He told me he’s here because of Jesus. That he fought until finally surrendering in 1994.

I smiled warmly and told him I think that’s wonderful.

He asked me if I liked jerky and pulled out a bag from his pocket. He said he makes it with hotdogs and they aren’t on sale anymore.

I thanked him kindly and told him to have a beautiful evening. I watched him wander through the store, chatting with himself as people backed away from him.

I held the “jerky” with gratitude. I took a deep breath. He slowed me down after leaving my house angrily. He centered me. He reminded me to hold onto my faith, not asking or judging me for what I believe in, but proudly speaking of his savior. A reminder to love harder than ever.

No, I didn’t eat the jerky. I loved it though.

:: Good Grief ::

I’m soaking in my second bath in less than 12 hours under the full moon. I’m resting better every night. I actually made it through night 3 and was given the chance to wake up to day 3. That’s not only an accomplishment, but a blessing as well. I just opened my eyes and I’m already winning!

Greyson is going back to school today so it’s going to be me, Corby and Frank – the new daytime trio here at Chateau Briggs.

I’ve got anxiety over the continued sadness. It’s like I want to force it to stop but I can’t. No one can on the earth. Only a higher power can carry me through this and I’ve got to trust that.

I’ve been trying to put my sadness in a box, but I’m going to try to give it some space instead. Then, as soon as all the light reaches the sadness, I’ll let it go. Just like I do with my roses.

Recently, the fullest, most beautiful rose in my vase caught my eye. I held it and admired it for awhile. I even took selfies with it 🙂 After a few days, just like all the other roses, it began to wilt. I appreciated it as the most beautiful flower. When it was time, I carefully dried it out, separated its petals and sent it back to the earth with the most loving intention.

Feel it, give it space and let it go. That’s life. The good and the bad. Everything comes to an end and the end means the beginning of something new.

It’s all for a higher purpose, but growing pains are real and I’m exhausted. Thank goodness we’re never given more than we can handle.

Coffee/tea/water vessels up! Cheers to making it this far. I am pretty proud 💖

:: This Week ::

It’s not a normal week. The season of change is definitely in the air.

Driving with Corbin on Monday afternoon, I spent some time with an 83 year old man in my head 20ish minutes before he was struck and killed by a car. “Good for him for getting out of the house and going for a walk. It’s crazy how two men with many years between them are both walking down the same road. Where is he going? Is he safe?”

I passed him again as I was going home, this time his body was laying against the curb, covered in a purple blanket. I wanted nothing more than to go be with his body – to comfort him as he was laying there all alone.

Two hours later I seen a bald eagle perched in a tree on I-96. He was gorgeous! I kind of have a thing for birds of prey and this guy blew me away as he was watching humans rush around in the setting sun.

Tuesday I silently celebrated my dad’s 4 year anniversary of his triple bypass. That’s a scary surgery. We’re beyond grateful for the doctors that assisted in diagnosis and the procedure to extend his life. Every single day truly is a blessing.

Wednesday came with heavy emotions. It’s time to say goodbye to my grandpa’s farmhouse as new owners take possession. I’m certain he’s happy they have horses and will make memories with their grandchildren, but my heart aches for the memories the house holds.

On the corner of Davison and Oak roads in Davison, sits a structure that has always been Switzerland in our family; it was neutral ground. It was a safe haven for all of us. It is no more. Our family is separated by judgement and emotions. A tragedy that happens to so family families, especially after the death of matriarchs or patriarchs.

Waking up to Thursday, when, a year ago I received a phone call that grandpa was entering active dying. I needed to decide how I was going to handle death with my then 6 year old. We figured it out and suffered better than I could ever imagine. It was that suffering that lead me to a call that I’m heeding ever so carefully.

Here we are. Tuesday, October 4, 2018.

Just like every other day, my main goal is to live in the very moment. I’ll do my best to send Greyson off to school with a positive attitude and to spend the day with Corbin learning, growing and not burning the house down. After school we’re going to say goodbye to the farm and I don’t even know what that entails. But it’ll happen and you can be certain that even through giant crocodile tears, I’ll be smiling through it all 😊🚪💫

::Synchronicities + A New Calling::

Loud. Strong. Apparent. Clear.

The signs are everywhere – animals, numbers, people, messages, etc. One thing after another. It’s all connected and there’s no denying synchronicity in the universe.

I’ve struggled for so long now, knowing I have a higher purpose to serve, but I have not been able to find my calling. I have an amazing husband, two beautiful procreations, a lovely home and a graphic design and marketing/communications degree. But something is missing.

I played corporate marketing for over 10 years. I poured my soul into a company who ultimately did me the biggest favor by eliminating my job. I was sent on my way to become a better me – to break my high heels, knot my hair and focus on more important things than money and material things.

It’s been almost two years since I left my old life behind. I spent a year walking in circles trying to figure out my next move. I didn’t get anywhere, really, but I was pushed by my higher self to try harder. It’s been a year since I started trying harder, making big changes to actually become a better me, knowing that I needed to focus on my self care game in order to figure out my true calling. I needed to move beyond my past to become present.

I made so many changes. Mind, body and soul style. I dreadlocked my hair. I met with a nutritionist. I started training with a natural movement coach. I started listening to spiritual talks. I started listening to music with lyrics that had messages and meaning. (I can’t lie – dirty rap will forever be a guilty pleasure 😉).

I started caring about this body of mine and the thoughts that filled my head. I learned about meditation. I learned about chiropractic care. I learned about spirituality. I learned about living in the present. Mindfulness. Wholehearted love. Inner peace. Mind over matter. The law of attraction. I “studied” this stuff every single day.

I slowly woke up.

I realized that I ignored a few issues until I was forced to face them.

One particular issue being my last surviving grandfather who I didn’t visit for 6 months as his health deteriorated. I didn’t see him until two days before he took his last breath. I didn’t leave his house those last two days and somehow I found the most amazing energy during that time.

It was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, helping him die. But along with my aunt, cousins and hospice care, we did it. I have no regrets. I’ll cherish every minute of those last two days with him for the rest of my life. I learned so much about death. About living and dying. About emotions. Energy. Family. Grief. Love and loss. It was pure transfer of energy, resulting in energy overload within me. Meditation the night of grandpa’s death was life-changing. We can talk about it one day if you’d like 😉

It’s been a little less than 8 months since my rendezvous with the process of dying and I can honestly tell you that I’ve never been so alive.

I’m picking up on signs from my guides on the daily. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I believe it.

So much fast forwarding until now. Here I am with this newfound calling as a death midwife/death doula/death walker because of the signs I’ve been given and the people on my path. The synchronicities that have brought me to this realization are too real to deny.

I’m immersing myself in what this means and I how I go about becoming a companion for those who are at the end of their physical life. It’s exciting! But just like anything, it’s a process. There’s so much to learn. People to talk to. Books to read. Certification programs. Volunteer hours. So much life to live to be the change I want to see in the world.

And that’s why I exist – to make a positive impact. To love hard. To shine bright. To help others smile through it all – the blood, sweat and tears. The sunshine and the rain.

I truly believe there is positive in all contrast, regardless how our current society feels. Death is a new beginning for everyone and it doesn’t have to be the worst day of your life.

I’m so blessed. It’s pretty ridiculous, actually. Even on the worst days, my life is so freaking good. I’m forever grateful for the people on my path to wherever I’m going 💛🙏🏼💖

::how I wake up::

I’ve been working on establishing a morning routine since the beginning of October. Like, really giving it attention. As part of becoming a better me, I feel like I need to set myself up for a good day and give myself the time and attention I need to turn my mind and body on for the day. My madness has methods and lots of over-my-head science research that’s sparked my interest and has helped me make these changes. 
The way I see it, it’s about balancing your energy. Here’s how I do mornings (up until I wake up my kiddos):
Alarm rings at 4:55 am. The song that wakes Adam and I up is Vacation by the Dirty Heads 🎼🙌🏼 
We go all Mel Robbins style and “54321” get ourselves out of bed. I make a pot of coffee and head back to my bedroom for wakey up time. 
First thing is 7ish minutes of ground movement. I simply lay down and move my body. Rolling, stretching and connecting with each part. I listen to Aloha Ke Akua by Nahko and Medicine for the People while I get my body moving. 🌟🎼✨
Then it’s stand up time. 
I light a candle and turn my shower on cold. I start the song Die Like Dinoz by Nahko. Using all the courage and breath control I’ve got inside of me, I step in the shower. I focus on my breath while I listen to every lyric. Dragonfly (again, by Nahko) plays next. I don’t exit the shower until after Dragonfly has finished. The words make it so much easier 🙏🏼
Towel off. Get dressed. It’s nourishment time! 
I review the Four Agreements to nourish my mind while I fuel my body in the morning. 
Lately, my go to morning physical nourishment has been a swig of cod liver oil, two glasses of water, an apple, nuts and a handful of spinach. After all that has been ingested, coffee enters the scene. Mmmmmm coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. 🙏🏼💛☕️
I don’t love pushing myself every morning and it’s taken me moons to get to where I am. But I do love actually waking up to face the challenge of another day. Some people don’t wake up.

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