:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 16

Day 16/21 😐

I was irritated my alarm went off. I’m pretty sure I swore at it out loud. I even texted Ashley my unhappiness with my alarm. I went through the motions and left on time. I drove. I parked.

Bill was the spark I needed this morning ⚡️ His 4:45 am class in Hartland really is one of my favorite ways to start the day 🌞💪🏼🔥 Bill brings such great energy – the super positive stuff that sometimes you REALLY need to face another day. His hype guy spirit is on point ⚡️👌🏼

Todays workout was hard. My energy was low. I couldn’t keep up with Ashley for freaking anything. I couldn’t figure out how to count and go from one thing to another without looking at the board every other second. I was not comfortable in my tank top. I cannot stand the shoes I wear at the gym. My pushups are so very sad. I hate hate hate burpees.

I was there and I did the things as best as I could at that time. I showed up and that part is really hard. I feel a bit heavy today – in my head and in my body. It happens sometimes. I’m getting better at becoming aware of it, feeling it out, processing it and letting it pass.

I’m thankful it’s still so early and that I have all day to make it great 😊🚪💫

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 15

Challenge day 15.

After a fairly gentle battle between my brain and body, at 4 am, I cancelled my 5:15 am class in Highland.

I’ve been processing the feelings since then. Guilt is lingering. I miss the energy, the people, the burn, the sweat 😐

But I also got to snuggle extra with my husband, crawl straight into a hot bath and I stretched deeper, knowing I made the right decision 😌

I received too many signs I needed to rest after yesterday’s workout. I’m not injured, but a few parts that have never been worked so hard in their life want me to chill for a minute. It’s time to burn slow, girl 🔥

Thank you, Ashley, for reminding me to listen to my body. People might want to steal your goats, but you are truly a fantastic shepherd 😘🐐👊🏼Your guidance and honesty are more than appreciated 🙏🏼

No gym this morning, but I’ll do the right movements to honor myself throughout the day 💗🕊💪🏼👣🌳🌞🕉

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 14

Today is day 14 of this 21 day challenge. Two weeks down. 7 days to go. I’m kind of killing it 💥👊🏼💥

4:45 am in Hartland with Rachelle 🔥💪🏼💦😳💦

I very much enjoy her energy. It’s different than what I’m used to, but I’m getting more comfortable with it each time we share space 💛

I get pretty nervous in Hartland. It’s still so new. It’s different.

After warmups, I told Ashley there’s no way I could partner with Carlos because I didn’t want to slow him down. One second later, Rachelle paired me up with Cindy and Ashley whispered, “Cindy is awesome. You’ll be fine.”

Enter Cindy ❤️💪🏼 I was scared and clueless, but totally trusting the souls within those walls. You counted. You reminded me to drink water. You cheered me on when I totally wanted to stop. You gave me tips. You complimented my form. You corrected my form. You were a calm, yet very powerful energy. I’m so grateful to have met you this morning. Thank you so much for holding space for me today 💖 🙏🏼💛🌟

Rachelle pushed my good-for-nothing abs harder, as if she wasn’t feeling it from Chris’s workout yesterday 😜 But I kept freaking trying. It’s hard to try so hard, over and over again, and keep failing. But you just keep trying. Over and over. And breathe. And try again until your body tells you to stop. Breathe. Repeat. 🔥😵🔥

I was totally ready to get home and crawl in the jacuzzi after that workout. Totally. 100%. Ready. My muscles are tired – in the best way ever.

I really do prefer asscrack of dawn workouts. All that me time before my boys wake up is lovely ❤️

Today is Monday, right?! STOODIS 💥👊🏼💥

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 13

Challenge day 13.

Ashley picked me up today 😌

7:45 am class in Highland with Chris 💗🔥💪🏼 I’m certain this amazing woman is here to strengthen my wings 😊 Well, more like my whole body, but maybe an emphasis on my wings ☺️

I seriously get confused at the beginning of class when trainers are going through the workout. It’s so quick. And I can’t help but laugh at half of the movements, thinking that there’s no way I can do it. Funny that I always do, even if it’s modified 🌟

I started to understand the writing on the whiteboard today! It’s getting a bit familiar now. But I learned new exercises. I always learn new exercises. A few of which I really, really don’t like.

Why not? The exercises that I dislike the most really make me feel my weakness.

They remind me of the myomectomy and c-sections that killed my core muscles. Pure weakness that I cannot hide from any more. This area, especially my lower abs, is super hard work for me.

They remind me that my shoulders are mush. I know with patience and persistence they will strengthen and I’ll feel better than ever. Right now I feel totally freaking weak.

I smiled through it all. I found myself a spot of sun in the doorway while we spent time on our backs, struggling and pretty much dying at the end of class. The sunshine and a hug from Chris were the highlights of my day at the gym 🌞💖

I drank another smoothie and my belly isn’t happy. I haven’t been eating enough, nor the proper balance of macros today. I’ve swallowed two pieces of gum. I haven’t drank enough water. I drank a couple cups of coffee. Meh.

But the rain 😌 It’s time to chill with the water and wash today away.

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 12

And on day 12, she rested (in the morning, but not all day).

Adam asks, “Why do you hate yourself so much today?”

“I think this is a thing. I didn’t go to the gym today. I didn’t start out strong.” 😳

He told me to use paracord and tighten my pants, people 🤦🏻‍♀️ Thanks, bro. I blew up in the most loving way possible, pleading he not try and solve my problems. Just listen. Tell me I’d look great in a sheet. Paracord fixes your issues. Not mine. Though, I’m sure it would be useful if I was wearing a sheet 🤷🏻‍♀️

He told me he loves me and was smiling super nice. He told me he cannot believe the changes he’s seeing in my body. That he walked into the kitchen earlier and was taken aback by my physical presence.

Goddess level UP 😌🌻🥰🌟

Adam reminded me this is all about PROGRESSION and not PERFECTION. I’m getting healthier daily. My clothes are fine. I am amazing 💖

I needed to change my perspective. I put on my favorite t-shirt and took my stepdaughter grocery shopping 😊

Madeline and I spent all day together 💞 She laughed and helped me drive through the roundabouts in Brighten as we drove to Costco. We laughed even more as she commented on how terrified I looked. We talked about how good our bodies feel when we eat good. She told me her body doesn’t want garbage food anymore. Me neither, sis ☺️ We were really proud of our purchases!

We made smoothies when we came home and I indulged. Totally over on my carbs today 🤦🏻‍♀️ The guilt came quick.

I couldn’t help but want to run. Physically run. Like, really move my body. We walked our trails as a family, then I split off to put 2 miles of earth under my barefeet while the boys, daddy and sis all played in the front yard.

My feet are screaming, but my body just wanted to run. I let it. My playlist was fantastic, the ground felt good and the breeze was perfect 💛🎶🌳👣

Back at it tomorrow with Chris at 7:45 am. I’m totally looking forward to it 🔥💪🏼❤️

:: 21 Day Challenge :: End of Day 11

I gotta say, today was a good day 😊

I soaked in a cold bath this morning because we were out of hot water 🤦🏻‍♀️ I breathed through it. It’s time to shut the wood burner down, but for now, it’s gotta stay lit. My oldest prince re-lit the fire and was so stinking proud of himself. Sensitive and primitive. That’s my boy ❤️🔥

Double doozie on the next adventure – we met sissy for lunch (we don’t restaurant often at all) AND I ate a 1/2 of a chicken Caesar wrap. Why is this crazy?!

1. Hanging out with Madeline is new for me. 12 years into her life, every other week, and I’ve never been present with her spirit. But I show up with so much love all the time because I just can’t contain it anymore. Hard, rewarding work. And go figure, she really likes the real me 💖

2. That girl got me to eat Caesar dressing today – something that I have not eaten in years. I don’t do fish (no allergy, it’s all in my head). If 16 year old M can do it, I can! I even ate the tomatoes (something I don’t eat. I don’t like the texture maybe?!) Out of my comfort zone, once again.

Back at home, I went out to pick up the front yard so I could mow. I love mowing! I found a dead bird ☠️🐦 The boys came over and we spent a lot of time with death and the transfer of energy. I love these convos, especially with kids. Grey was so brave, holding it while jumping at every twitch anyone made. He was so nervous. I talked him through it until he was done 💜 We walked the bird back to Carcass Corner, not laying it to rest, but laying it out for whatever animal needs its energy. The circle of life. It’s a thing.

I napped for 3 hours after Adam got home, surfaced for a minute in the family room, then found myself in the second epsom salt soak of the day 😌 Lots of life today. It was a good day 💖

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 11

Day 11. Can we call today RELEASE?!

Ahhhhhh. So good. So good. I rested hard last night. On the couch, then to bed. All the sleeps. Very good.

4:44 am Rachel remembers that she feels way better when Ashley drives 😊 I prefer the feeling of not leaving my woods physically alone 🤷🏻‍♀️

5:15 am in Highland had me super frustrated with my body but smiling so freaking big. On the inside anyway 😬

Huge thanks to HollyLindseyChris and Ashley for guiding me through this morning. I don’t count well within those walls 🤦🏻‍♀️ I prefer to do the least amount of thinking because it takes so much brain power to try and move my body. Thank you for helping me along 🙏🏼

And to Bill – ALWAYS huge thanks to Bill for such solid support and encouragement 🙏🏼👊🏼

Even when he tells you to push some wonky looking metal thing across a green stage. Then people start to cheer for you 😨 I couldn’t move any faster without stumbling and busting my teeth out. I just wanted to be done 😳 But I did it multiple times. It was easier the second time. I got out of my head by moving and breathing and sweating and dancing just a little bit to Bill’s fun music selection! 🙌🏼❤️🎶

Then, Katie 💖 Thank you for connecting with me since day 1, girl 🙏🏼 I have so many happy emojis for you! Patience, kindness and balance. I feel it. We’re all in this together. It’s a thing! ✌🏼❤️💪🏼

Killer workout surrounded by the most positive energy from the beginning until the end 

My husband was standing on a log waiting for me when we pulled in. “Yes, Ash. He’s always on a log. Or in a tree. Or on a bike. Doing tricks. Human monkey.”

I thanked him for his support, gave him a smooch and sent him on his way with my heart smiling because he’s driving to his dream job 🚲 It’s been a hard road, but our souls finally smiled at each other this morning. So good 

Legit smiling through it all over here 😊🚪💫

Sitting in so much gratitude 💖

Ready to do my day 💥👊🏼❤️

:: 21 Day Challenge :: The end of Day 10

I showered cold. I put on my favorite skirt. I went for a walk outside. I created something. I gifted two somethings. I took Corbin to feed the animals at Spicers. I took Greyson out to dinner to celebrate his last day of 2nd grade.

It was a heavy morning, but I turned it into a great day 💖

Now, to stretch these hamstrings and shoulders ☺️

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 10

Day 10, right? Toughest morning and workout of the challenge, hands down.

The games your head plays with you are crazy. I had a heart attack this morning when my alarm went off. I sprang out of bed like I was being robbed. Then I remembered where I was and what I needed to do.

I felt the anxiety fill my body, straight down to my fingertips. It’s like sand. It rushes in cool and stays heavy. Crazy. I got dressed. I walked in my driveway with the bunnies for a bit.

The drive in was very hard. Very very hard. I did it. I even walked in the building without Ashley. Put my shoes on. Walked into the room. By myself.

I focused on my breathing. That’s all I could do. Enter Chris 😇 You are such a warm spirit. I felt instant relief. Lighter breath. Thank you for bringing yourself to the gym today, m’lady. You were the first light I felt 🙏🏼💛

I kinda met Bonnie 😊 I couldn’t formally introduce myself because I couldn’t talk and breathe at the same time upon entering the room. Thank you for feeling out my energy. Thank you so very much for giving me this space 🙏🏼

Ashley pushed me without words. It was what we needed. It was stupid hard, but we did it. And I’ll do it every day if i can.

Get up. Show up. Never give up.

Other bodies helped me today, too. No one went unnoticed 🙏🏼 Some people are becoming comfortable. I’m enjoying this feeling in such a foreign place 💖

Today was tough. Super, duper tough. Tears hit me as soon as I exited those walls. We’re all “crazy” for doing it so early. But we all do it for a purpose. Heavy stuff. Physically and/or emotionally 😳 Whatever your story is, I super appreciate you filling the room this morning. Every body.

So yeah. I cried all the way home. Doing the most uncomfortable work is so tough. Being embarrassed because you can’t move your body is super tough. Killing that ego. In all the ways. The good work. From the inside. Super tough.

I’m gonna kill this heavy vibe with some animal energy. The zoo? Aquarium? Nature center? I don’t know. An adventure is to be had. Momma has got to lighten up.

But first, the good fuel ❤️💪🏼🔥🥚🥬🍳🐷🐔

:: 21 Day Challenge :: Day 9

4:45 am in Hartland with Bill and a room full of sweaty bodies this morning. That was great, Bill! Super great! Happy Challenge Day 9/21 to me!

I love being coached. I’m trying to learn how to use my body and I need so much help 😐 I have two left hands and I sometimes need to think for 4 seconds (or more) to remember which is my right leg. Bill is such a great help to me. I’m so grateful 🙏🏼

I came home and stretched in a candlelit jacuzzi next to a heavy rain storm. Killer, right? That’s how I do 👊🏼⚡️💧🎶

I need to eat on a more consistent schedule. I keep forgetting to eat until I get kinda really hungry which can be a long time sometimes. But I’m always making good choices when I eat. I feel my body deflating in such a good way. All the processed stuff is making its way out. It shows and I feel it for sure.

3:33 am wake up is tough, but when you’ve got all morning to love yourself, including the sweat, friends, food, bath, shower, silence and music, it’s just so worth it 

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